Later!
Dear Family and Relatives,
I read someone’s status on Facebook that was circulating around. It asks me to cut and paste to pass this message.
I did.
Being left out of a hearing family/friend’s conversations just because I’m the only deaf person in the family or circle of friends. Whoever is hearing needs to realize it is so hurtful for your deaf relative to feel left out. If you have a deaf relative, please always include them in your chats- the deaf member wants to be part of your family or circle of friends. Please copy & paste. Hopefully we can educate others.
This brings back some bad memories while growing up as the only deaf person in the family.
Patience is the skill I have learned when I was so young. I was been told, “Amy, I will tell you later” so many times that I had to be patient until someone takes time to sit down and explain what was happening.
“Tell you later…”
“Not important…”
“Please be patient…”
“Hold on, phone’s ringing…”
“It is hard to explain because you may not understand…”
“It was a joke, and it was not funny anymore…”
“I am sorry, I don’t know sign language…”
“I don’t know how to call these phone thingy…”
“I am too busy and I don’t have time for you…”
I was patient. I waited and waited. 45 years later, I valued myself as very patient person. This skill is very useful for many things.
If I ever hear these statements once again in any family gatherings today.
You will hear me saying,
“LATER!”
Then, you will not see me again in any future family gathering ever again.
It is been 45 years and you still haven’t made an effort to learn sign language or even made a simple videophone call with video relay service. Even though, you didn’t even bother to send me an email or text message.
What does that tell you, YOU, as one of my blood relatives who reads my Facebook statuses, and not even bother to click, “Like” or even made a comment?
Do you see me as a family member? I AM your relative, and I am related to YOU! I guess, family is a relative word.
LATER!
Amy Cohen Efron
August 24th, 2011 at 7:58 pm
Ha ha.. of course these clauses I have been drained for years and years. Usually, they told me a brief message instead of a long message! Eh! To the addition of this issue, when I chatted with a person but other person talked to this person into some interruption… I NEVER reached a period of my conversation so had to wait until that person had to listen to me again. It keeps constantly! UGH? Until lately, if someone does to me while I chat.. I walk away just like this! And when I chat with someone ..boing, the cell rang,, that person must answer it.. I had to wait.. But when I texted her/him but she/he hardly answered as soon as possible! Huh?? Does it sound fair?
August 24th, 2011 at 7:59 pm
Oh, by the way, I love this picture… Patient Bear! Yes, it is! Sigh! Thanks!
August 24th, 2011 at 8:01 pm
That is right!!!
August 24th, 2011 at 8:45 pm
Great job, Amy… Patience, patience…. lol about the picture!
August 24th, 2011 at 8:55 pm
Hi, I want to thank you for this very clear message. Very good message. I know what u r talking about. It s heartbreaking, especially for the deaf children and future deaf generations. Sad.. but I hope somehow we can break this cycle one day very soon.
Keep hoping,
Kim Dance
August 24th, 2011 at 8:56 pm
wow – amy u have sung some mighty truths and they may have stung a few cuz they know the truth when they see it and they no likey to know what they done nor do they wanna make the commitment to repair, correct, amend, and bend a wee bit ur way for a chance at equality of condition
i thank u for taking this stand
in the past (and in the future im sure) when our kids have said “oh its not important” or “nevermind” if i miss something – i will say “i decide. I get to decide if its unimportant not u” and usually it is … unimportant but utterly important that i have the KNOW of what it is to determine what it isn’t
sometimes when they say “nevermind” “its not important” “ill tell you later” etc – i will say YOU KNOW THOSE ARE FIGHTING WORDS TO A DEAF PERSON and then they will nod their heads knowingly and make it known to me what they had said
and so we must stand by what we wont stand for ; )
it is interesting how some student self portraits will have a big finger being held up and text or title of “In a minute”
it always reminds me of Langston Hughes poem
http://www.cswnet.com/~menamc/langston.htm
so we see with ur taking the time and the good heart to have the “spiritual audacity to assert our somebodyness” (MLK Jr)
u give testimony to a common experience – to what Susan Dupor’s powerful Family Dog painting sings out too
too many Deaf folks dont sing their truths for fear they will hurt their families – but living a lie or deny the truth is truly hurtful to all parties involved and estrangement within ones own home and ones own family is not cool
Fear is not a disease of the body; fear kills the soul. ~ Gandhi
and u r right – love should not be relative amongst relatives
peace
patti
August 24th, 2011 at 9:17 pm
All of these comments showed highly positive. I think mine isn’t. Sorry! Forgive me please.. smile..
August 24th, 2011 at 9:18 pm
It’s okay, Susan. Don’t worry.
August 24th, 2011 at 9:20 pm
Kudos to an excellent well written forethoughts. My exact sentiments and I could not have said it better. I love my family and now… I am focusing on MINE, ME, MY life. Some of them are offended because I’ve decided to walk my own path. Great irony applies here too. Oh well…
You nailed it on the head: “Family is a relative word”…
August 24th, 2011 at 9:39 pm
I am hearing and I am an interpreter for the Deaf. I simply have NEVER been able to understand why hearing members of a family who have a Deaf family member, will SO OFTEN not take the time and effort to learn how to communicate with their child effectively using the language they most easily understand! I would have thought that this was an antiquated way of raising your child, but sadly it happens ALL too frequently in this modern day and age. “Home signs” are not American Sign Language. Pointing and pantomime are not American Sign Language. Expecting your child to accommodate to YOUR language and YOUR way of communicating is not fair and does not serve your child’s best interest. For those of you who do not ALLOW your child to sign at home (yes it does happen), you are stifling your child’s ability to express themselves with their beautiful language. You can’t “make them a hearing child” any more than you can make them black if they are white or make them a boy if they are a girl! Love and accept your child for who they are and what abilities they have and you will teach them to accept themselves and also others for our many differences! LEARN TO SIGN CORRECTLY WITH THEM, take classes and practice with your child, become involved in THEIR world. You have a beautiful child who has many things to share and contribute, if you will only take the time to know them and include them. Do not ignore them and put them off till “later,” like a fixture in the house to collect dust until “later” when you decide to give them attention. Including them AT THE TIME will let them know they are valuable as a member of your family! Put yourself in their shoes and imagine how you would feel if no one could understand your feelings, your moods, your hurts, your happiness, your dreams, your desires, your frustrations, etc. How would YOU feel if someone always told YOU…LATER? Later never comes, childhood is lost too soon, relationships fall into oblivion. Seize your opportunity to show your child you love them. Your child will have many struggles in their life. You will regret ignoring their needs for appropriate communication if you don’t learn to communicate with them and they go through life only to look back and say ” Mom,dad,brother,sister, aunt,uncle,grandma,grandpa… you were not there for me. I had a problem and you weren’t there. I had something wonderful to share, and you weren’t there! It will lead to frustration which leads to hurt which leads to anger which comes out eventually in undesirable ways. You communicated with your child before he/she was born, taking care of yourself and them, rubbing your belly with your hands. You communicated with your child as a baby, holding them WITH YOUR HANDS, caressing them WITH YOUR HANDS, patting them WITH YOUR HANDS, stroking their hair WITH YOUR HANDS, bathing and feeding them WITH YOUR HANDS……………………NOW TALK TO THEM, WITH YOUR HANDS!!!!!
August 24th, 2011 at 9:46 pm
As the hearing boyfriend of a deaf Person this really hit home for Me. I am attempting to learn sign, and I often find myself feeling guilty for not including my girlfriend in the events going on more readily. I try my best to interpret the conversation, joke, or general situation as much as possible. It is very difficult as I am having to retrain my brain to turn spoken word into asl. But that is the difference between truly caring and just saving face. If you want the person involved in your life and want them to be part of you and your life you will make the effort to change. We as hearing people have the capability to reprogram our brain vs the deaf don’t have the option of reprograming their ears.
August 24th, 2011 at 9:48 pm
We Deaf, HoH, late deaf and deaf blind need to speak out about this. Just tell them you left me out…
August 24th, 2011 at 10:24 pm
Amy, my reaction to your article is mutual as I had my share of bad memories at many of the family gatherings but it was partially soothed by having a Deaf sister. I want to share one here. Being left out along with my wife at my cousin’s wedding back in 1998 was the tipping point in my decision to not return to any family gathering ever again. Have not been back since then. My daughter will be graduating next May and yes, it will unavoidably be a family gathering but we are already planning get together with our Deaf friends after we spend time with our daughter and tell our family members “LATER!”
August 24th, 2011 at 10:24 pm
To Andrew, you cannot interpret all the time… Please correct me, folks if I am right on this. Okay, Andrew, ask your friends to communicate to your girl friend.. like write on pads, gestures, fingerspelling… You could teach one or two signs each time you see them so that they can sign to your girlfiriend. Bless your heart, but do not wear yourself out too fast.
August 24th, 2011 at 10:51 pm
susan – i think urs is positive and affirming because u met amy’s post with ur own truths and experiences. it is not negative. u have said u too STAND and walk away if folks r unwilling to look u in the eye and treat u equally.
i also very much appreciate what everyone else has shared here. this is VERY important. part of making the invisible visible.
thank u again amy
peace
patti
August 24th, 2011 at 11:04 pm
Hi Amy – I’m amused when I saw that status circulating around my FB social friends, too. And to be frank, there’s nothing like smirking when the hearing relatives are left out whenever they’re in my world: “So, you now only got a taste of a few minutes of alienation that I’ve felt my entire life.” However, my participation with my family members are usually on one-on-one basis because it bonds a lot more than it would be in a family gathering. In a family gathering, my cousin and I would go out and have one on one conversation as well as sharing family gossip. Otherwise, I’d be watching the tube, reading my pager, or reading my book on my iPod or whatnot. Thanks for posting this article. See you in twitty land.
Oh, wait I think Tweedledee and Tweedledums are dancing at your grandeur blog of our people. 
August 24th, 2011 at 11:05 pm
err, Tweedledum… wish I had edit capacity. :p
August 24th, 2011 at 11:19 pm
Even when hearing family members are aware of the “later” and the “dinner table syndrome” rudeness, they still revert to habit every time. The first opportunity to slip, they unconsciously take it. When called on it, it’s always “Im sorry, here’s what was said” –fifteen minutes later: obligation discharged.
I think it is because the family doesn’t learn effective strategies to use. We need to develop tricks and tips to keep Deaf children and family members in the loop and teach them.
Some examples: Preparation, such as Aunt Agatha likes to talk about her latest quilting project, Cousin Bob just bought a boat, Cousin Kitty is engaged. Then one can better guess at the conversation that may come up.
Priming, giving the Deaf person specific questions to help jump into a conversation, such as “do ask Melvin about his exciting new job” or “Be sure to show Patty your artwork–she paints, too.”
Include an easy and fun sign lesson in each gathering.
Build in activities that promote one on one interaction rather than groups.
And provide a graceful exit so the Deaf people can leave when they want.
August 24th, 2011 at 11:46 pm
My friend posted you in Facebook. I read your article. I love your article and some comments in here. I went through similar situation when I was kid. I couldn’t express anything especially even some of member family knew but they just busy talking too fast, So Often, I just say may I be excused and go watch tv or busy with something else to avoid feeling left out. So they can enjoy talking each other. I did stood up and it end up not good. So, I let them go and I just find something else to do after I eat my dinner. When they have huge party, I turn invitation down often. I rather to be stay home and be with my cats plus chat with my friends when I am free than sitting do nothing that they turn TV off or something.
August 25th, 2011 at 12:12 am
Andrew and Ashley, I stand up and applaud you for your efforts!
August 25th, 2011 at 4:25 am
Yup, I hear you!! So frustrating. I agree with Dianrez, I think it would be useful if family members were shown effective strategies to include their deaf or hard of hearing family member.
(e
August 25th, 2011 at 4:56 am
Dianerz,
Good suggestions. I do similar what you do suggested like leave the group. I did it often to do something else. Also, I often ask family, I just want see them but not their friends because I have better chance to engage communicate with them without hearing friends around. I don’t mind some friends around but they just will keep talking that end up left me out. It is rude to interrupt them too often, so I have to find a way to get involved or leave gracefully.
August 25th, 2011 at 10:32 am
I haven’t heard from my family. They all told me they dont me. But they don’t take interest either and I quit making the first move to contact them and I haven’t heard from them since.
August 25th, 2011 at 1:51 pm
Repress is my motto. I’m with you all the way.
August 25th, 2011 at 3:06 pm
Hello. Stumbled onto this site. Unexpected emotional meltdown. Mother passed 1.5year ago. Strained sibling relations since birth. Younger brother older sister joined by the hip. Often mistaken as a couple because they are so close. Parents divorced when I was around 6-7-8… Separation dragged to eventual finally divorce…
Guess where I was all this time? INVISIBLE. I am 48 this sat bday. Have not seen brother, his 3 kids for years. Mom’s funeral was a surprise. Oldest niece in college 18. Younger niece half thru high school youngest nephew 10, have not seen since he was born. My hearing aid was broken over a year(no money) . I sat one side of funeral. Entirre brood of siblings spouses kids sat opposite side of room, visitation started at 12 noon, service
at 5pm. Not once any of them came over. Never been to my sister & husbands home. They have married over 20 years. Estate settlement was a living Hell. I’m not married.I have no kids. I feel siblings are evil, cold and greedy. Snapped all the estate from me and left me with nothing. A month ago I lost vision in left eye. Detached retina. Had surgery July 26 at hospital. My loving sister actually told me to take a bus for a 6 am surgery. To go home dope up from surgery with bandaged head…is insane. Worse I could not drive bc not used to depth spatial issue. Can you see yourself groggy, pumped up on pain medicine, walking out of surgery to a rigging bus stop in 98degree heat or higher…waiting FOREVER for a stupid bus then walk nearly a mile to my front door….
God help these pathetic people. I left out a ton of evil things they did during estate settlement. No need to sound pitiful…it was bad what they did…shameful. They knew post mom passing Christmas, Thanksgiving…I’m alone. Blessing in disguise…I did not want them. I don’t and never have considered them family.
August 25th, 2011 at 4:43 pm
You just nailed it!
Here’s a couple of my favorites, “You misunderstood”, That’s not what I said”. UGH!!!!!
BTW, I’m deaf ! but they (people, friends, family) think I’m HOH, no, I’m deaf.. they still say I”m HOH. Here’s why. My last few hearing tests proved that I’m profoundly deaf! But they still think I’m HOH. WHY? Because I can talk, but people who can hear thinks I’m from another country because of my speech. My patienance ran out, having to explain or at least try to explain that I’m deaf.
So, Later, I’m your new talking deaf friend from another country. NV, USA!
Have a great day!
(no hard feelings for the HOH, if I was HOH I would tell them)
August 25th, 2011 at 4:50 pm
I had lunch with the parents of a 40-something deaf friend. They could barely sign. I’m not that great myself, but me and the two deaf people at the table ended up leaving THEM out of the conversation most of the time! Their loss.
August 25th, 2011 at 9:49 pm
Amy….your story is still sharing—-it’s ongoing….i shared as well…You were very very brave standing up speaking out, it was definetly very uneasy for u saying it…we thank thank thank you for that!! We really hope your story hits worldwide & help bringing families of Deaf ones together, we will just wait and see…but you’re not alone, families of ours doesn’t click our likes at FB either, maybe like 4 times for me since i joined 2 years ago, yes–it’s very hurtful for MANY for knowing the true colors BUT….FB saves Deaf people’s lives, i believe….that will bring to JUSTICE….Many Thanks again, AMY!!!!! ((((((Deaf group hug))))))))))))))
August 25th, 2011 at 9:51 pm
and forgot to add, for Maria B. heartbreaking to read your story, as well as for the rest here too…hugs
August 25th, 2011 at 10:35 pm
It’s important for family to communicate with their deaf relative, even if it means adapting to the communication mode such as sign language. Being from a deaf family who happen to be Italian, my hearing relatives were able to use gestures so communication wasn’t painful, they were fun loving people who found ways to communicate and mingle. At family gatherings, we were hardly left out by immediate family members. However, my in-laws were a different story. Once during Thanksgiving, the spouse and I had a conversation in signs at the table, his hearing relative interrupted me and told me we should not be signing because they don’t understand what we’re saying. I responded back, saying that we don’t understand them either. a pin dropped. (while I may understand them, the spouse who happened to be deaf, does not.) I still think it’s funny seeing their shocked face that day.
I think parents now days are more likely to learn to sign than parents years ago, at least, I hope that is the case.
August 27th, 2011 at 1:04 am
Amy, thank you for sharing. I had lot of bad memories while growing up as the only deaf person in the family. They thought that I was a retard child. One day, my teacher suspected that I was deaf, so she asked my principal to call my parents. They send me to see a doctor and found out that I was deaf. Meanwhile they thought I was not smart. I decided to walk away from them and learned myself to be success. I did graduate in the public high school. Now I work with hearing people. These people don’t know how to sign language, but one person from another country knew one sign language. That was awesome. I, of course, am still struggle to communicate with hearing people. Sigh! Give a big HUGS to all of you.
August 27th, 2011 at 6:40 am
Amy, thank you for sharing this very touching and personal blog. After years of putting up with being ignored and left out of hearing family members’ conversations, many people do reach a point where they simply say, “enough is enough”, or as you said, “later!”. There’s no reason for anyone to suffer through the indignity of being ignored or overlooked again and again at each family event. I hope at least some family members pay attention to what you said and change their ways.
Warmly,
Candace
August 27th, 2011 at 12:42 pm
Well said ABC!
August 27th, 2011 at 9:10 pm
Thanks, ABC for exactly expressing in words what most of us went through. You said it clearly enough…. come to think of it… I’m experiencing this as an adult now… when I’m at work, and signing to this hearing person she would start talking (not signing) and I looked around wondering what in the world is she saying? Came to find out that another person in a separate room called her name and she responded “I’m here” and they started talking and we lost connection right there. I felt as if my comments were not as pleasing as the hearing person’s were at that time. Imagine the thoughts that went through my mind how I felt at that moment. Boy, it’s not a wonderful feeling, lol.
Anyhow, thanks for sharing this post with us.
August 27th, 2011 at 10:08 pm
I understand the frustration of deaf people when a hearing person is interrupted by a phone call or someone down the hall calling out to them. Understand we aren’t intentionally dissing you. Hearing people deal with multiple sources of input regularly. There’s no equivalent to that with people who rely on sight to communicate. Usually we’re not trying to be rude. We’re just wired differently. No disrespect to my deaf friends. But maybe not as respectful as I should be.
August 27th, 2011 at 11:17 pm
It would seem that Helen Keller’s quote rings true, don’t you think?
“Blindness separates us from things, but deafness separates us from people.”
If I had hearing parents/relatives and they didn’t communicate with me well or include me, I’d try to bring it up with them and if they still don’t include me then I’d go my way. Life is too short to let it affect us. We only live once, why let the pain consume us?, especially when it’s clear that many have tried to make a point with their families and they still don’t get it. Maybe someone can explain this.
August 28th, 2011 at 9:06 am
[...] Later by Amy Cohen Efron at Deaf World as Eye See It http://www.deafeyeseeit.com/2011/08/24/later/ [...]
August 28th, 2011 at 5:49 pm
Sven, I understand that, in a way I expect them to. I don’t think they are being disrespectful for using their natural language. Sometimes I feel like I have to make them change their conversation style to accomate us such as interrupting the middle of their flow of conversation to remind them to speak slower, look at faces, speak up or clearer, repeat themselves, or interpret.
All I ask is equality of language that we can use rather we use it with deaf or hearing. So if one language make us feel neglected, We still have language we can use.
August 28th, 2011 at 7:52 pm
I read so many comments and feel for both side of the world. Not all to blame but to be selective is perhaps the wisest path. I do find from Patti Durr is a cult dynamic situation. It appear from her and her followers is every hearing person is “evil” or just “non-hearing”. It’s a complex world and should be treated as though.
August 28th, 2011 at 10:57 pm
Deafa,
That makes a lot of sense. I know I need to ask my deaf friends to sign slower or fingerspell. I’ve been so appreciative of the folks who accommodate my attempts to learn sign language.I can only hope I am as considerate to them as they have been to me.
September 1st, 2011 at 4:20 pm
Wow..Karen Walker, i agree with you wholeheartedly! Amy, you too! I’m profoundly deaf but can speak fluently and doing pretty good among the hearings growing up to now. No regrets…but I can totally relate..the “LATER” and “NEVERMIND” comments. So hurtful. ugh! That’s certainly one of my greatest pet peeves. Patience…well, I agree but I have this need to know NOW basis or just forget it altogether. Another thing is people tends to think that just because I’m deaf, I wouldn’t understand. Well, excuse me, how about try me? Love this blog, Amy…I just sign up to follow this
So…see you…LATER 
September 1st, 2011 at 4:29 pm
Gwen!!! I can relate to what you are going through..people thinks just because I can speak well that I’m simply HOH..no..I’m still deaf..so deaf…so very deaf! Some even asked me what country i’m from because of my ‘accent’.
September 7th, 2011 at 11:59 pm
Amy,
Beautiful statement. As a Deaf person, I tend to shut down to the people that do this to me. I thankfully…not every hearing person I met does this to me. My hearing husband has been awesome and he knows ASL. He does not interpret for me when we hang out with his hearing friends because they all have to evanually learn how to communicate with me one way or another. I do not interpret for him when we hang out with my deaf friends….same reasons…he and deaf friends have to evanually learn how to communicate one way or another. It works because we all have the respect for each other. Those who does not make effort to communicate is not worth my time or my husband’s time.
Bravo, Amy.
Sara
September 22nd, 2011 at 12:10 pm
You asked what does it mean when family tells you to be patient but not make any effort to learn to communicate. It means there avoiding discomfort in not being able or willing to include you more important to them than you are.
September 22nd, 2011 at 8:11 pm
Greg…such a simple statement yet it has so many complex meanings. Thanks for the comment.
September 23rd, 2011 at 9:56 am
“We are wired differently”…Sven, there is a difference between outright rudeness and being wired differently. Suddenly dropping a conversation with a Deaf person to chat with an unseen hearing person is the top of rudeness. It’s like suddenly cutting off a conversation to answer the phone, or cutting someone off on the phone to talk with someone that came into the room.
Generally, when deaf people face this kind of unthinking exclusion daily in addition to watching hearing people talk in a different language all the time, they shut down and move away. It is a tragedy when this happens because of alienation of the love that brought them together. The choice is clear: take the lazy way and lose the family member, or make an effort to be consistently including and keep the loved one.
September 23rd, 2011 at 11:05 am
Dianrez..
I will have to agree with Sven, those who can hear and understand what’s being said by someone in the next “cubical” ARE wired differently. Trust me on that, Dianrez. I don’t think it is rudeness.
Multiple input is common and even I do that too myself. The difference is if someone is aware you are talking to a deaf person and purposely interrupt. Obviously that person was using his/her voice whilst signing so… In a fast pace work world, trust me, rudeness is not purposely done.
We all are guilty of assumptions all the time. We assume things about hearing folks, but we have not walked in their shoe. And, vice versa.
September 23rd, 2011 at 11:08 am
However, I’m sure there are situations where rudeness happens. Someone sees a person talking/signing to a deaf person and that person purposely interrupts right front of both of them. Unless it was a boss needing something pronto!
It doesn’t hurt to address this issue right there and then, you’ll be surprised how many people are not aware of these little pesky moments.
Like I said, it is a fast paced world. I do it too, sometimes later realizing that I should have waited since it could wait.
September 23rd, 2011 at 1:22 pm
Obviously, Candy, for you it would depend on the situation.
I have been interrupted by others while talking to someone and have told them to “wait a sec” or simply ignored them until the first conversation was done. This is because of my experience with hearing people: when I see them ignoring others to finish with me, I feel respected. If the matter was urgent, permission is asked of me before they turn attention elsewhere: “Excuse me, this is an urgent phone call. It will be just a few minutes.”
So much happens in that kind of situation–Unconscious messages are transmitted: I think you are too important to be interrupted. I value you. What you say matters.
Or: You are not important and your message not significant. You are a drag on my time. I have better things and better people to talk to. I’m busy.
Multiple input? That’s a cop-out, excuse me. Deaf people also attend to multiple inputs and still manage to keep their focus. People may walk between two conversing Deaf people and they still keep the thread. To break eye contact is a major no-no in Deaf culture. They are not one-track people and shouldn’t be treated less than hearing people, nor should hearing people be giving “privilege” because they can hear other things.
To call it a cultural thing would be wrong…it’s still common courtesy.
September 23rd, 2011 at 10:12 pm
Dianrez – cop out is a great term. Whether you’re hearing or deaf, it is totally rude to interrupt a conversation with one person for something or someone else. Unless the buildng is on fire or something like that. Thanks for pointing that out,
October 4th, 2011 at 3:31 pm
Hello Amy
I grew up with big family, i am only one deaf, and had struggle with commuications, but my grandparents never nelgect me, always support me and read lips so good. but with my siblings, i am now fed up with them, like what you said, tell me later, not important, when my parents got real bad health, they never give me details what their illness are. I was so pissed off, they twisted me alot. It’s not my fault but i do helped with my sweet parents almost every once a week. Every xmas they just say hi and walk away, i felt left out… Now, i am in deaf culture and have alot of deaf friends are now my family. I support your feelings. I grew up hard life with them alot, but they do love me, they feel hard to communication with me, they should learn sign language or some way to communicatuon with me. they have no hard efforts with me. I have to let it go and be my own life with my sweet husband and move on. but it s not easy for me back off and will bitter in later when my parents dies. It only way to focus myself to be social with deafies.. smile